Thus duty leading, and love withholding her, she
goeth as fast backward in thought, as forward in
pace ; ready to faint for grief, but that a firm hope
see him again supported her weakness. She often
turned towards the tomb to breathe deeming the very
air that came from the place where he stood to have
derived a virtue from his presence, and to possess a re-
freshing force above the course of nature. Sometimes
she forgetteth herself, and love entranceth her in a
golden distraction, making her to imagine that her
Lord is present ; and then she seemeth to ask him
questions, and to hear his answers : she dreameth that
his feet are in her folded arms, and that he giveth her
soul a full repast of his comforts. But, alas ! when
she cometh to herself, and findeth it but an illusion,
she is so much the more sorry, that if the mere ima-
gination is so delightful, she was not worthy to enjoy
the reality. And when she passes by those places where
her Master had been - O, ye stones, saith she, how
much happier are ye than I, most wretched creature !
since to you was not denied the touch of those blessed
feet, whereof my evil deserts have now made me un-
worthy. Alas ! what crime have I of late committed,
that hath thus cancelled me out of his good conceit,
and estranged me from his accustomed courtesy ? Had
I but a lease of his love, for the term of his earthly life ?
or did my interest in his affections expire with his de-
cease ? It was by embracing his feet that I first found
entrance into his favour ; by which I was graciously
entertained in his heart, and admitted to do homage
to his person, which was then a mortal mirror of im-
mortal majesty - earthly epitome of heavenly wis-
dom - containing in man a God's felicity.
But, alas! I must be contented to bear a lower sail,
and to abase my desires to far humbler hopes, since
former favours are marks too high for me to aim at.—
mine eyes, why are ye so ambitious of heavenly
honours ? He is now too bright a sun for so weak a
sight : your looks are limited to meaner light; you
have the vision of the bat, not the glance of the eagle
you must humble yourselves to the twilight of inferior
things, and measure your views by your slender sub-
stance. Gaze not too much upon the blaze of eternity,
lest you lose yourself in too much self-delight - lest,
being too curious in inspecting his majesty, you be,
in the end, oppressed with his glory. No, no - since
I am rejected from the embrace of his feet, how can|
I otherwise presume, but that my want of faith has
dislodged me out of his heart, and thrown me out of
all possession of his mind and memory. - Yet why
should I stoop to so base a fear ? When want of faith
was added to a want of all goodness, he disdained not
to accept roe for one of his number ; and shall I now
think that he will so rigorously abandon me, on ac-
count of my faint belief? And is the sincerity of my
love, wherein he hath no partner, of so slender ac-
count, that it may not hope for some little regard of
his wonted mercy ? I will not wrong him with so
unjust a suspicion, since his appearance disproveth it,
his words overthrow it, and his countenance dissuadeth
it ; why, then, should I draw so much sorrow out of
so vain a surmise ?
Thus Mary's fancies, wavering between the joy of
her vision and the grief of her denial, entertained her
in the way, and held her parley with such discourses
as are incident unto minds in which neither hope is
entirely master of the fields nor fear hath received aft
utter overthrow. But as she was in this perplexed
state, now falling, now rising in her own uncertain-
ties, she findeth on the way the other holy woman that
first came with her to the grave, whom the angels had
now assured of Christ's resurrection.
And as they all passed forwards toward the disciples.
Behold, Jestus met them, saying, All hail. But they
came near, and took hold of his feet, and worshipped
him. Then Jesus said unto them. Fear not. Go, tell
my brethren that they go into Galilee, there they shall
see me.
O Lord, how profound are thy judgments, how un-
searchable thy counsels ! Doth her sorrow sit so near
thy heart, or thy repulse rebound with such regret by
seeing her wounded love bleed so fast, that thy late
refusal must so soon be requited by so free a grant ?
Is it thy pity, or her change, which cannot allow that
she should any longer fast from her earnest longing ?
But, O most mild Physician, well knowest thou that
thy sharp corrosive angered her tender wound, which
being rather caused by unwitting ignorance than wil-
ful error, was aa soon cured as known ; and therefore
tbou quickly applies! a sweet lenitive to assuage her
pain, that she might feel her repulse to be rather a fa-
therly check to her unsettled faith, than an austere re-
jection for any fault ; and therefore thou admittest
her to kiss thy feet - those two conduits of grace, and
teals of our redemption - renewing her a charter of
thy unchanged love, and accepting from her the sacri-
fice of her sanctified soul.
And thus,gracious Lord, bast thou quieted her
fears, assured her hopes, fulfilled her desires, satisfied
her lore, dried up her team, perfected her joy, and
made the period of her expiring griefs the preamble
to her never-ending pleasures. - O how merciful a
Father thou art to friendless orphans, how lenient a
Judge to repentant sinners, and how faithful a friend
to sincere lovers ! How true it is, that thou never
leavest those that love thee, and thou lovest such as
rest their affiance in thee ! They will find thee liberal
above their desert, and bountiful beyond their hope -
a measurer of thy gifts, not by their merits, but of
thine own mercy.
O Christian soul ! take Mary for thy mirror ; fol-
low her affection, that like effects may follow thy
own. Learn, O sinful man, of this once sinful woman,
that sinners may find Christ, if their sins be amended.
Learn, that whom sin loseth, love recovereth ; whom
faintness of faith chaseth away, firmness of hope re-
calleth ; and that which no other mortal force, favour
or policy can compass, the continued tears of a con-
stant love are able to attain. Learn of Mary, for
Christ to fear no encounters ; out of Christ, to desire
no comfort ; and with the love of Christ, to over-rule
the love of all things. Rise early in the morning of
thy good resolves, and let them not sleep in sloth,
when diligence may perform them. Run, with re-
pentance, to thy sinful heart, which should have been
It temple, but through thy fault has proved no better
than a tomb for Christ; since, having no life in thee
to feel him, he seemed to thee as if he had been dead.
- Roll away the stone of thy former hardness, remove
all the heavy loads that oppress thee in sin, and look
into thy soul whether thou canst there find the Lord.
If he be not within thee, stand weeping without, and
seek him till he be found. Let faith be thine eye,
hope thy guide, and love thy light. Seek him, and not
his: seek him for himself, and not for his gifts. -
Though to thy faith he be under a cloud, let thy hope
no less perseveringly seek him. If hope have led thee
to find him, let love urge thee the farther to seek into
him. To move in thee a desire to find, his goods are
precious ; and to keep thee in a desire to seek, his
treasures are infinite. Absent, he must be sought to
be had ; being had, he must be sought to be the
more enjoyed. Seek him truly, and no other for him ;
seek him purely, and no other with him ; seek him
only, and nothings beside him. And if at the first
search he appear not, think it not much to persevere
in tears, and to continue thy seeking. Stand upon
the earth, treading under thee all courtly vanities,
and touching them with no more than the soles of thy
feet - that is, with the lowest and least part of thy af-
fections. To look the better into the tomb, bow down
thy neck to the yoke of humility, and stoop from lofty
and proud conceits, that thy humbled and lowly looks
may find him whom swelling and haughty thoughts
have driven away. A submissive soul the soonest wins
his return ; and the deeper it sinks in self abasement,
the higher it climbeth to his highest favours. And if
thou perceivest in the tomb of thy heart the presence of
his two messengers - Sorrow for the bad that is past,
and Desire for the better that is to come - entertain
them with sighs, and welcome them with penitent
tears ! Yet, reckoning them but as the harbingers of
the Lord, cease not thy seeking till thou hast found
himself ; and if he vouchsafe thee his glorious sight,
offering himself to thy inward eyes, presume not of
thyself to be able to know him, but, as his unworthy
suppliant, lay thy petitions at his feet, that thou
mayest truly discern him, and faithfully serve him. -
Thus, preparing thyself with diligence, hastening with
speed, standing with high-lifted hopes, and stooping
with inclined heart, if, with Mary, thou cravest no
other solace of Jesus but Jesus himself, he will answer
thy tears with his presence, and assure thee of his
presence with his own words ; that having seen him
thyself, thou mayest make him known to others - say-
ing, with Mary ; I have seen our Lord, and these things
he said unto me.
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